I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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