he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
