I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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