I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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