I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
