Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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