I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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