Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
