Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
