The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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