How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
