She's JV to your varsity
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
