Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
