You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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