i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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