I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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