So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize