this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
