went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
