Im at strip club and am horny
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
