Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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