Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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