Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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