She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
