another moral hangover. fuck.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
