3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
