Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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