Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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