i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
