At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
