We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
