Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
