i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
