To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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