Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
