Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm at about main and main street
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
