Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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