My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
