My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
