hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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