Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
