just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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