if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
