I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
