I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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