did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
