the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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