Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
