If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
