yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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