In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize