worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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