He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
