My first STD was from a foam party
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will be naked everywhere
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
