this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you never un-have a 4some
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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