Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
