I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
