I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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