I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
