sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
