Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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