No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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